As we were enjoying a glass of wine a couple years ago, my wife Nancy asked me if I am afraid to die. I was able to provide an answer based on what happened to me on October 29th, 2015. My last memory before the head-on collision was being a mile from the scene of the crash.
I was in a daze as I looked around the inside of the car. I knew something had happened, but I didn’t know what. I noticed blood on the inside of the door and realized I had been in an accident. Then the extreme pain in my chest hit me. I remembered hearing that heart attacks hurt, so my next thought was I am having a heart attack and that I was going to be dead in a few seconds. What really bothered me was that I was going to be alone when I died. Because of that feeling I was incredibly grateful that when Nancy died in 2019, I awakened at three in the morning and held her as she passed away. She did not die alone.
When I realized I was not going to die immediately, I also realized I better get out of the car in case it catches on fire. Despite the excruciating pain, I crawled out of the car on my back. The first face I saw was that of an off-duty paramedic who was in the car behind me. He stayed with me until the ambulance came and also called Nancy. That evening, a sheriff’s deputy came to my hospital room and the first thing he said to me was, “I assumed you were dead.”
A few months later, a minister and his wife stayed with us. Richard’s wife, Beth said to me, “There’s a reason you survived that accident. The fact that a paramedic was in the car behind you and the very fact you survived makes me believe God has plans for you.”
Back in the early nineties I wrote a book of about eighty-thousand words which was nothing like Holy Wood. When I started to write that book, I asked God that if this is not what he wants me to do, to let what I say fall on deaf ears. That is exactly what happened. Nobody read or was the least bit interested in what I had to say. It was clear to me that God did not want me to write a book. I deleted the manuscript from my computer and shredded the hard copy.
For several years I organized a Friday evening Bible study. During one of these studies a woman said to me that I should write a book. Normally, when someone says that, they are just trying to get you to stop talking, but I think she was serious. I replied that God made it very clear that is not what he wants me to do.
In 1999 I was trying to decide whether to end a failed marriage. I asked God to show me a sign whether he wanted me to continue bearing a cross, or to go out in the wilderness like the Children of Israel did when they left Egypt. I received no sign. A few years ago I was listening to Ronald Dart deliver a sermon in which he described a similar experience. He was trying to make a decision and asked for God to help him make the decision by giving him a sign. No sign was forthcoming. But, the decision that Ronald made was blessed, and he attributed that blessing to his prayer to God about what to do. Likewise, I was blessed for fifteen years with an incredible relationship that was the exact opposite of the terrible years I had before.
Considering what Beth said to me, the only thing I could come up with is that maybe now, God wants me to write a book. So in 2016 I prayed about it and asked for a sign. I not only asked, but I insisted that God give me a sign. I said to God, that I could not rely on him to bless my decision because he had made it very clear he didn’t want me writing a book. This time I needed a sign!
I collect music. I was a late night music programmer for ten years in the 80’s and 90’s. I have about fifteen hundred songs in my library on three flash drives which I have in my car. After thirty minutes in my car praying, I was still about a ten minute drive to work as I finished my prayer, so I turned my music on. I certainly did not ask for the song title to be a sign, but I did think it would be interesting to see what title popped up on the screen.
I had a flash drive in the receptacle that I rarely listened to, so when the title of the song came up, I honestly did not remember having that song in my collection. In fact, I later looked to see if I had bought that song, and indeed I had. The song was performed by Edward Sharp & The Magnetic Zeros, titled, “Give Me A Sign.”
When I stopped laughing, I called my friend Richard and said no title came up saying, “Write A Book.” So, it appears God was telling me to give him a sign. This book is that sign.
Pentecost was approaching. I had recently learned that the number 3000 is associated with that feast. When Moses came down the mountain, it was most likely on Pentecost, and about three thousand perished. Sixteen hundred years later, three thousand were saved when the Holy Spirit was given on Pentecost. Nancy told her minister about this and he mentioned it in his next sermon. I also told Richard, and he said he had never connected those two events.
After three months I had written about sixteen thousand words and I felt like I was in over my head, and that I was wasting my time. I was walking Teddy through the neighborhood when I met this delightful couple named John and Lynn Reinhardt. We talked for a few minutes and upon saying our good-byes, I asked John what he did before he retired. He informed me that he was not retired and that he is a book designer with experience in the publishing industry since the 70’s, adding that he has been involved in the publication of over three thousand books.
“How’s this for a sign, Phil?” I could almost hear God asking.
I told John what I was doing and then asked if it had already been done. He replied that it had not, but he thought it was a great idea. A few days later he e-mailed me, telling me he wanted to help me get the book done and get it done right. He would connect me with an editor and provide services to me, adding that he was not going to charge me for these services.
John set me up with my first editor, Deb. She warned me she would not be able to finish the job if she could get a full time job, which she did. She referred me to a second editor named Jim. Between these two people I learned a great deal about writing.
From 2016 until 2018 I wrote five versions of this book, and many bad things occurred during that period. Both my editor and designer had health issues which delayed the book. My CPA business drastically declined, a leak in a pipe caused $10,000 in damage to our laundry room, I was in a golf cart accident that resulted in my left leg being partially paralyzed. It took eighteen months of physical therapy to recover from the accident. In one three day period during March of 2017 Nancy’s daughter-in-law ended her marriage to her son, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and my son died. Nancy said to me many times, “Stop writing that book, we’re being attacked!”
During this period, writing was my catharsis. I would awaken at four and write until 7:30 before going to work. I would proof the book and be surprised at some of the humor I had written despite all the bad things going on. I finished writing the book and had it edited in late 2018. But then I was in a state of deep grief for several months because of losing Nancy. During that time I never looked at the book, but after that period of grief I concluded the design work with John in December.
If you are reading this, then God wanted me to write a book.